Because You’re Worth It
Here at Copper Well, I find myself talking a lot about limiting beliefs. A limiting belief is a conviction you hold either consciously or subconsciously that restricts you in some way. These often show up when we are having feelings of self doubt or worthlessness. What we believe about ourselves and the world creates our thoughts, which create our actions, which create our lifestyle. A limiting belief I see in my clients all the time is, “I’m not worth it.”
So, so many people received this message somewhere along the line and adopted it as their own. When you believe (again consciously or subconsciously) that you are not worth it (money. love, happiness, effort, pleasure, healing, etc.), you are probably never going to get it. This is because you will constantly sabotage yourself right when you are about to make your move. This will further convince you that you are in fact “not worth it.”
Where I see this being an issue for people is often in their resistance towards therapy and other modes of self care. So many people say they are doing well enough so they don’t need therapy or coaching or a massage or a raise or a better desk chair or to schedule that dentist appointment. You were not put on this earth to be doing “well enough.” The universe conspired to adding you to this planet at this time so you could thrive. You’re not here for “well enough.” You’re here for spectacular fulfillment. Doing “well enough” is not an excuse for neglecting self care.
Another sign you hold a subconscious belief that you are not worth it is feeling panicked anytime you get close to reaching for what you really desire. If you feel prickles of nervousness when you make a move towards your desire, it is because there is a part of you that is scared about what will happen if you allow yourself to really go for it. There is probably another part that is really, really excited about finally reaching your fulfillment. This can also manifest through feelings of depression and self hatred especially when you walk away from a desire. It is easy to beat yourself up in that moment because you feel that you have once again proven it is true, you’re not worth it.
Where does this belief come from? If we were put here to thrive, why do so many of us carry this with us? Trauma in one form or another is usually the answer. For some people there is a moment they can point to that instilled this belief, but for many, many others, it can be a series of small events or even one event that isn’t remembered. This type of core belief can even be instilled in us before we have the capacity for long term memory. For some this belief can be instilled very subtly. For example, many of those I work with on executive functioning issues grow up believing there is something wrong with them because they are unable to perform the way their peers do and as teachers and parents expect. Repeatedly feeling like a failure and disappointment is very traumatic and often leads to limiting beliefs. This happens for anyone whose brain works a little differently.
Just like any other relationship, this belief could be having an impact on your relationship with money. Remember if you are sending signals that you are unworthy of money, money is going to listen and move on. In practical terms, this means you won’t go for that raise or start that business, you won’t promote yourself or work in the same way you would if you believed you were worthy of it. You also won’t seek out the assistance and support you need to truly thrive financially. You might neglect areas of your self care which adds up to not being able to put as much energy into your work because you are burned out.
How can you start believing that you are worth it?
The first step is awareness. Become aware of this limiting belief and how it shows up in your life. Take note of times when you feel that nervous sensation or the depression. Reflect on whether there was a recent moment when you let yourself down or something you are looking to the future with a mix of anxiety and excitement.
When you get good at noticing this feeling and the times it is more likely to come up for you, replace the limiting belief with a positive belief or mantra. Some popular examples are “I was made to thrive.” “I deserve the good things that are coming my way.” and “I take care of my needs so I can show up for others.”
To fast track, talk to a professional. Find a therapist who can help you recognize and work through this limiting belief. This is a big part of my work using EMDR. With EMDR, we can really get to the core of where this belief originated and help the brain resolve it and have a healthier reaction to being presented with opportunity. EMDR really can be miraculous for many who are limited by such toxic beliefs about themselves and the world.
Always remember, you are here to have a spectacular life. Well enough is not good enough. Whatever it takes to get you that spectacular life is well worth it, and you are well worth it.